Anna Nicole Smith Ordered To Find Out Which Sperm Donor Won

Anna Nicole Smith: From Trailer Park To Maury Povich

Anna Nicole Smith was ordered Thursday to bring her infant daughter to California for paternity tests sought by a former boyfriend who claims he is the father of the child. Correction, a former boyfriend who it would seem, was one of many men lined up down the block, waiting anxiously to toss a load into dear sweet Anna. Which would make it only fit for her and her baby dada wannabes to have the paternity testing done by the well regarded Maury clerical, lighting and show runner staff who, supported by the Maury interns, have helped family’s in trailer parks and housing projects coast to coast know which neighborhood youngling’s not to have sex with … unless they're quiet about it.

One of the baby lottery jackpot players, Larry Birkhead, welcomed the ruling, "Christmas has come early, and I thank God that I will soon have the opportunity to prove that I am the father ... and eventually hold her in my arms." Shortly after bringing God into it, I believe he was struck by lightning, although that may just be a rumor.

And the lovely young (sorta. 38) stripper with a heart of gold and an ass designed to cause heart failure in old rich men, Anna Nicole Smith was in San Francisco on Dec. 15 for a hearing in her battle for a share of the fortune left by her late husband, oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall III.

Larry Birkhead, a Los Angeles photographer, which is similar to art student, filed a lawsuit in October claiming he is the father of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern, who was born in September in the Bahamas. If Birkhead is confirmed to be the father, he could receive visitation or custody rights and possibly a large amount of child support. Wait a minute, did I just mention something about a large amount of child support? Him and Kevin Federline should get together for a night out in LA. They can hitchhike to a soup kitchen and try to find old rich women who are near death or maybe some really sexy and stupid trailer park trash skanks who hit it lucky with something like singing, and have a few hundred million bucks lying around, waiting to be spent on Vegas, coke and whores.